This morning I woke up, unmotivated and unsatisfied with my life as it stands, as ever. This internship has turned from an exciting first co-op experience in Egypt, to a nightmare on Elm Street, the Cairo edition. I have no reason to physically move myself to go into the office, as sitting there and doing nothing is infinitely worse than sitting in my room and doing the same. This research, this mundane process of scouring the internet to compile and organize data on an unknown subject for the purpose of writing an extremely large, boring research paper that no one in their right mind will ever read for fun, or even out of interest will eventually amount to absolutely nothing, zip.
I am living out the very lifestyle I said I never would – pushing the superiority of the Westerner’s pen unto the lives of the third world country, bereft of understanding and care necessary to actually instigate change. To put it in a way that makes sense – for as long as I have decided what my future career will be, I have also resolved to never become a pawn in the Western trap – the idea of “educated and enlightened” minds of the developed world sitting in these think tanks that we call organizations and governments, creating idealistic and essentially impossible models for developing countries. It is this sustained malpractice that has left the world in the state it is in today. Let it be clear, by no means am I criticizing the will and want for people in the developed world to help those who are in need, but instead I critique the methods by which we do so. One of the main reasons for my travels, completed and still of the future, which some have conceived as “excessive and unplanned”, are so I may better understand those who I hope to help for the rest of my life – to meet different groups of different cultures and traditions, of different ideals and beliefs, to develop a sense of commitment and personal attachment to those around me so I can better adapt my ambitions to their needs, to their wants.
Recently, on Cairo Scholars, a woman wrote a post for her friend, who, having already volunteered with the Palestinian Center for Human Rights in the Gaza, was now looking for a similar, Palestinian-oriented organization in Cairo. Upon reading this, I emailed back, not to provide assistance in the search (as I myself barely have contacts to help myself) but to simply ask about the woman’s experiences, as I had looked extensively into the same internship in the Gaza, though its dangers and overall situation make the prospect impossible to pursue at the moment. In response, I received far from what I expected – the woman, speaking on behalf of her friend, criticized my intentions to enter an area where Palestinians themselves are trapped and subject to harsh and unrelenting violence – why should I, a privileged American, feel the useless need to voluntarily enter an area that so many are struggling to exit. The woman asked that I reevaluate my plans by which I hope to assist the Palestinian people.
I did, just that, as I have already, many many times, on my own. My mindset has not changed, and I do not intend for it to do so in the near future. Why should I want to work in such an area? Whether I am to be named naïve or immature, young and full of unrealistic hopes, I believe that, for myself, I will never fully be able t justify any efforts in helping these people, unless I visit these areas, and understand the situation of the people for myself. I want to work there to do just that – work there. You are not truly helping and doing the work you claim, unless you are there, working with people, living with them, living in their situation and using that experience to improve their lives and your own. Why should I have to explain my reasons and hopes to others who don’t feel the same way? If you have your own ways of helping, then you are free to pursue them, as I do mine.
All of this said, I feel, more than ever, that the work I am doing now is the furthest possible thing from what I really want to accomplish. Writing papers and sitting behind a computer? Most days, I’m just simply wholly annoyed with myself, with my work to the point that I cannot do it. Just this morning, I read an article about an incident in the West Bank.
In it, it details the purposeful shooting of a minor, a fifteen year old boy, nearly point-blank, with a rubber-coated bullet. Every day I read about these inhumanities, from massacres and senseless killings, to the physical stripping of human dignity, the treatment of others as though they are lower than dirt. And still, I cannot understand. I weep, to myself, sitting before this screen, reading these tragedies, slowly losing faith in human nature, in the innate will inside humans to be good, to feel empathy, sympathy, to have the strength to respect the lives of others in one’s own poverty and misgivings. Instead, the evils of powers, of money, of prejudice permeate people everywhere, they seep through the barriers of our ancient ties and shatter the connections we must feel with one another to truly understand how each others’ lives affect our own. These merciless injustices further taint the collective soul of human kind, and I wonder how long until I myself become evil, too. I feel as though I am constantly running against time, the time it takes before these horrors fill my heart, destroy my natural good will, and force me to the life of crime to which so many have succumbed.
Anyways, all of this brooding, introspection, and self-pity/depression prompted me to go through and look at/edit a few pictures I took while at the Aida Refugee Camp in Bethlehem, West Bank. As a note, these were all edited really quickly, just very very small edits, not too much so I could keep my original images in tact. In all honesty, I really don't like the idea of post-processing but I also understand its importance in modern photography and the need to know how to use the programs for it, so I try to practice..
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| Burn This City Down |
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| Can't Break the Spirit of the Determined |
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| Call for Action |
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| Hand-in-Hand |
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| History Repeats Itself |
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| The Fallen Will Rise |
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| On Top of the World As a note, this man that I met while I was taking picture of the massive wall between the Aida Camp and Israel. We were on his rooftop when this picture was taken. Below is a picture of the wall I took from his rooftop - you can see that he lives right next to it, having to look at it and be reminded of his people's cruel fate, each and every day. And yet, he manages to smile and laugh, as though he hasn't a care in the world. Amazing. Absolutely amazing. |
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| How Far Oppression Runs |
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